The phrase is “goings-on,” not “going-ons,” and streets have passers-by, not passer-bys.

If you have more than one attorney general, then you have some attorneys general. Likewise, more than one surgeon general constitutes some surgeons general.

You might infer something from what I say, and I may be implying something with my words, but not vice-versa.

And finally, the plural of mongoose is mongooses, the plural of virus is viruses, the plural of octopus is your choice of octopuses or octopodes but most emphatically not octopi, and putting a comma between two independent clauses is not optional.

This has been a message from your Local Bureau of Grammatical Bitching. Wee thank ewe four you’re thyme and patients.

If you drive your bike at twenty miles per hour through a dense pack of pedestrians who have to dive out of your way to avoid getting hit, just so that you can plow into an intersection against the light and thereby cause an accident, shouting “Good morning!” while pedaling away at high speed shall not be construed as making amends.

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits, you putz.

If you hear a car horn honking, floor it. They may be honking at you. This will apparently help alleviate congestion.

If the sidewalk is so narrow that only one person can fit, and there are people behind you, do not stop, turn around, and gawk at a dog, even if it’s a chihuahua.

Especially not if it’s a chihuahua.

You may not ask me for money while listening to your iPod nano.